it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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