how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
