god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
