Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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