You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
