You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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