I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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