just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
