I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
