His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
