Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
