No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
