Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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