sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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