You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
