He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Someone signed my nipple.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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