drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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