think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
