There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
