Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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