I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You took a bar mat shot.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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