There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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