I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
