He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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