do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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