that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
