Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
