theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dicks are not precious.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
