My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
