You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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