She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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