These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
