i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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