She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
