I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
