Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
