Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
