I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
