At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Randomize
