it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
