I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
