Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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