Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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