So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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