Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
