mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
