no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
