I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
