??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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