Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
