i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
